《黑犬》

• 《黑犬》，伊恩·麦克尤恩，上海译文出版社，读完：2015-08，评分：8/10

笔记

I never had any doubts about it: at some level you remain an orphan for life; looking after children is one way of looking after yourself.
我从来没有怀疑过这一点：在某种程度上，你一辈子都是孤儿身，照料孩子就是照料你自己的一种方式。

And if my parents had been alive, would I not have been breaking for freedom like the rest? Again, I could not answer yes. What my friends were pursuing seemed to me the very antithesis of freedom, a masochistic lunge at downward social mobility.
如果我自己的父母还活在世上，我是不是也会像其他人那样去奋力拼搏，寻求一片自由的天地呢？再一次，我无法认同这种想法。我的朋友们所追求的，在我看来，与自由正好是南辕北辙，是在自虐般地朝着社会底层扎猛子。

Our lives had gathered to this supreme moment-a sacred site more than five thousand years old, our love for each other, the light, the great space in front of us-and yet we were unable to grasp it, we couldn't draw it into ourselves. We couldn't free ourselves into the present. Instead we wanted to think about setting other people free. We wanted to think about their unhappiness. We use their wretchedness to mask our own. And our wretchedness was our inability to take the simple good things life was offering us and be glad to have them.
我们的生命在这一至关重要的时刻交汇——我们身在一处有五千多年历史的圣地，我们深爱对方，夕阳斜照，壮阔的平原我们眼前伸展——可这一切我们却无从把握，我们无法将它们融入自己的心灵。我们不能解放自己，进入现实中；相反，我们居然还在想怎么把别人解放出来。我们想要关注他们的不幸， 用他们的不幸来掩饰自己的悲哀。而我们的悲哀就在于，我们不能欣然接收生活赐予我们的简单美好的事物并为之高兴。

Ahead. this was how June must have imagined it: children playing in and out of the guy ropes, waiters in starched white jackets serving drinks from behind trestles draped in sheets, and, already, the fisrt of the guests, a young couple, lolling on the green.
前方，肯定是琼曾经想象过的图景： 孩子们在拉绳内外玩耍， 服务员们穿着硬挺的白色夹克，从身后用布帘遮住的支架上取下饮料，而最先到达的客人，一对年轻的夫妇，已经懒洋洋地坐在了茵茵草地上了。